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灰塔笔记 中翻英 第一章

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请大家帮我挑文法,用词错误


1楼2014-04-17 15:40回复
    The Notes From the Grey Tower (暂定)
    Chapter One


    2楼2014-04-17 15:41
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      I sniveled (改) and asked Edgar, “Do you think he heard me comment him an old folk the other day?”
      The following few months Ademund’s attention was specifically onto me (改). He was the professor, and the first name he call would be Alan Caster, and he would correct my assignments with the upmost explicit accuracy. I would be called up to answer all kinds of questions if I doze off in class.
      I feebly told Edgar, “I don’t think I stand a chance to go after him.”
      Edgar’s face turned pale again, “Stop joking!”
      We skipped class drinking afternoon tea on the coffee shop terrace by the Cambridge river. “I think my dear babe Andemund hates me because I called him an old folk last time. Oh dear, you do not understand love at first sight. My heart is broken.”
      Edgar was serious, “Homosexuality is illegal.”
      Edgar was a serious man, a little stiff with people, slightly taller than me, with maroon curls and typical Greek nose, and very well-liked among girls. We met at the bank of Cambridge river. I model for him for free, and he take my attendances for classes.
      I flirted with the plaid, mini-skirted waitress that served coffee while he drew; I laid on the lawn reading while he drew; I talk all kinds of nonsense about Andemund while he still drew. Until know I still do not understand why a scrupulous person like him could hang with me and become great friends.
      At the time I thought I was just having fling about Andemund, and neither did Edgar took it seriously. Averagely, I went after a different woman per week, only this time was a man.
      I was lolling on the white lounge chaise, blanketed by an old coat. I lazily squinted my eyes against the sun and suddenly saw Andemund’s face, which sacred the hell out of me.
      It was spring but he was still wearing a light grey coat and holding a black leather notebook as usual. He heard every single of my words, leaned down and looked to me smiley, “Alan, homosexuality is indeed forbidden by our country’s law.”


      5楼2014-04-17 15:42
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        He gave me a paper from his notebook and asked me to follow him. I dispiritedly walked behind him, and saw the beautiful and sensual lines of his neck showing from his coat collar. I trotted in front of him and stopped him, “I’m serious, Professor, I fancy you.” (哈特别用英式说法)
        He smiled in a noncommittal way, walked passed me, opened the office door with a bronze key, and left me outside while he went hi to make a phone call. I couldn’t hear him clearly.
        “.......parents were genius ex-code-breaker....though it was easy, but it took only one look to decode, so I plan on to let him try no. thirteen. I know the rules.(改)”
        He hung up and called me inside. I thought it to be my absence punishment, but all he asked is to look at the slips in his hands. Earlier I was busy looking at him, not until now did I realize there were unintelligible squares and circles, stars and moons all over the slips. Blue inked shapes were drawn on the entire paper. “Alan,” Andemund had me sat down, “if you are indeed unwilling to write the analysis about Gödel theorem, you can try helping me solve this code. This is a murder that happened in London and the criminal send this to the newspaper. My friend is in the Scotland yard, and he gave me the job since he knows I study cryptography.”
        He rang to bell for coffee, and gave me a smile, “I couldn’t decrypt it, and I thought maybe you could give it a try.”


        6楼2014-04-17 15:44
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          我尽量一字一句照著原文翻,有注明(改)的地方是跟原文比较有出入的地方,可能是我翻不出来或是觉得中英文有差距就改的。


          7楼2014-04-17 15:45
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            等下次有闲再努力第二章:)


            8楼2014-04-17 15:46
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              大神!慕名前来爪个印!


              9楼2014-04-17 18:44
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                慕名前来按爪+1!


                10楼2014-04-17 18:47
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                  pre是个前缀,不能单独在句子中做成分。


                  11楼2014-04-17 18:50
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                    慕名!!


                    来自Android客户端12楼2014-04-17 18:54
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                      Brandi and wine --白兰地和葡萄酒。typo,BRANDY 白兰地。葡萄酒≠wine


                      13楼2014-04-17 18:55
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                        流连在酒吧。流连≠be filled with


                        14楼2014-04-17 18:57
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                          其实我也没细看啊就滚动地看了一下。
                          觉得第一句读起来就怪怪的。。没有读英语小说的韵味(不过那种东西大概现在很多SO CALLED翻译家都很难做到)..然后感觉有点生硬和读起来有点干瘪瘪的,没有一般英文的流畅【当然啊我们都不是native speaker><
                          要是哪里言语冒犯到你了也请原谅我啊啊啊啊啊我不大会说话
                          唔大概需要多一点积累多一点沉淀QAQ 【其实要我翻我大概也翻不到你这种程度QAQ看到这个我也想试试自己能翻到什么程度~~~~(>_<)~~~~ 把自己喜欢的文翻译来推广给其他人什么的(*´艸`*) 我们一起努力ヾ(≥奋≤)〃


                          15楼2014-04-17 19:01
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                            虽然感觉的确还是有Chi-Enghlsh的感觉……但是O_O太霸气了!


                            IP属地:澳大利亚17楼2014-04-17 19:25
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                              诶~楼主有心来翻译先赞一个♪(´ε‘ )为数不多的同人图里面有一个出现的翻译是 Diary In Gray Tower,感觉简洁一点好了请楼主不要大意的更新吧(OvO)[期待ing


                              来自手机贴吧18楼2014-04-17 19:25
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